chinese new year is really boring! freaking boring.. mostly characterised by relatives squealing how tall the kids have become and how much i look like my mum when she was young.. its like the second year they said that k! but i just love the food! haha.. i must have gained back the weight i've lost man.. steamboats after steamboats! and i love scallops! i don't know why i ate lesser prawns.. its like my fav food! and this year's red packets increased alot! more money to go shopping! gonna buy more tees to make my wardrobe fuller.. hope my parents gonna let me keep at least part of the money.. =p

i can't believe school's like gonna be over soon and i've yet done any HW! this sux.. but its CNY! i don't know.. i don't wanna do.. kinda sux to be in jc2, even more to be in jc2 in mj..

suki sushi was FABULOUS! (despite those fats put inside my pudgy body) i never ordered so much different stuff before! totally NICE! i always go to suki sushi for some cheapo sashimi and yet i never bothered to look at the other side of the menu for a different kind of food to eat.. the butter scallop was great! sashimi is always great! everything's great! we sat there like 2 hours and left the place totally full.. didn't had to eat dinner! see, one meal settles all.. =)

during the 2hrs der, i talked to vera bout something that has been bothering me for a very long time, ever since last year.. its really bugging me and making me upset the very moment i think of it.. i know i shouldn't waste my tears on these sort of people but i can't help but feel sad because i never knew things would turn out this way.. perhaps i have all along been blinded by it and or that i already knew the truth but i continue to delude myself to protect myself.. i always regard them as best buddies but i don't know if this feeling is mutual.. i always treat my good friends real good and i hope that they will treat the same way as i do to them.. but good friends don't just leave your friend behind and walk away.. good friends don't keep talking to you in sarcasm.. good friends dont make you feel upset.. i hope that what my vera told me isn't true.. because they are what make my life in mj fruitful..

had great fun with jas and vera at jas's place!!! like we totally wrecked jas's room!!! and i always like to use jas's lappy when i go to her house.. its fun what.. and we took so many pictures! all so damn spastic and stupid! but my stupid pimple.. spoiled the whole photo.. i'm gonna photoshop it away.. so damn ugly.. nevertheless, i always enjoy my girls' companion.. and yesterday, i sort of became the dumb one.. i am more and more bimbotic.. dumb and not pretty.. ya.. my friends call me dumbo in sch cos i can trip over my own legs.. -.- nevermind.. i entertain you k jas!

my reunion dinner was great! kept arguing with my dad.. he asked me what is the difference between hear and listen.. he said that to hear is just blindly hearing what people say and not listening to it carefully and to listen, is to listen carefully and taking note of what people say.. makes sense yeah? and i kept playing with my brother.. laughing at him and making snide remarks.. i know its bad but who cares! little brothers are meant for bullying! i know its silly but i love my family alot alot..

for some reason or so, i can't seem to upload the pictures taken yesterday.. maybe blogger hates me.. =/

suki sushi with vera tomorrow!!! cos its the eve of new year's eve! must eat sashimi! i'm missing my salmon sashimi.. i bet me and vera's gonna wipe out all their sashimi! and so, i'll be pilling back the weight that i've lost since start of school.. how great..

bought all my new year clothes alredy, but i feel like buying more tees for my wardrobe! i'm so sick of the tees i have now.. like tees are the more versatile stuff u can wear.. you can wear it with skirt or jeans.. it just looks great! i wanna go hula&co to buy tees but i wonder if they have my size.. big size me yeah?

my room's all ready for new year! like so 'neat'.. cos all the ugly stuff and bits and pieces of paper are tucked away in corners.. and i totally hate my school teachers! they give so much hw can.. and it's supposed to be chinese new year.. HOLIDAY!!!

recently trying to upload my songs into my ipod.. it suxs k.. and i'm so damn lazy..

okay.. i'm too lazy to continue thinking of things to type.. just hope that tomorrow's afternoon comes faster!

i hate school! the thought of school makes me puke! i wanna get sick, but not very sick.. just sick enough to not go to school on either mon or tues or wed.. why does the school management have to make us endure through 50 mins of torture and 100 mins of practical converted to tutorials? this is SHIT man! ya.. and u let us start late on mon and tues but teachers always take up those periods for extra lectures when i can be at home sleeping for 1 more hr! that 1hr is extremely precious okay.. just 2 periods of GP is good enough to kill, not to mention that there's a moron singing even worse than william hung sitting next to me. and being the nerd of the class, i certainly hate him.. his goddamn arrogance and just his attitude alone..

i shan't talk more about that person.. cos he makes me boil right down from inside! bimbotic side of me starting to show up.. sometimes i wonder why i am bimbotic at times.. perhaps every girl has their own bimbotic moments.. bitching about other people is what i always do with stef.. and she has to come back to hear me bitch about others! esp that moronic guy..

i've finally bought my new year clothes alredy! cool.. i hope i'll look nice during CNY so that my relatives don't have to pinpoint bout me and my fats all the time.. it sucks.. and to have them compare results within my cousins is just so irritatin.. i just go for the red packets! money really does wonders to the frustrated mind!

voila! my fats.. gotta get rid of them soon!

ps: its funny how my post can swing from extremes to extremes.. and my tummy in the above pic looks so obvious! =(

to quote from kerwin; life sucks..

i finally caught my 'memoirs of a geisha' today! kinda disappointed actually.. it didn't really capture the spirit of the book. i enjoyed reading the book actually. they changed some stuff and it didn't feel correct. zhang ziyi kinda had a lost look on her face throughout the film.. bry said she had the same expression.. its so true! but its extremely excrutiating (is it spelt this way) is that the movie is rather long.. my butt kinda hurt after it..

recently i kinda haven't got anything much to blog about.. my life is pretty much as plain as water can be.. its all the same things happening.. somehow harping on my past brings me more beautiful memories than my present life is.. i do hate school.. not because of the fact that homework is so heavy and lectures are going at pentium 'infinity' speed.. but the idea of associating with people you aren't really close with.. or say used to be close but not really now? we're hanging out less often than in the past and i guess i talk more to the guy than the girls.. which brings me back to my class! i hang out with don and kerwin and recently vishnu and geraldine took to sitting beside me during class.. we always sit the same place at the back row.. i love the back row.. =) so i end up having two guys beside me.. because of this i start to talk a bit more to vishnu.. he's a nice person and he's taken! lol.. and kerwin? always enduring but enjoying his crap.. its really funny to see him banter with jeremy the horse! they're all so lame! wish stef was here to see all these..

recently eugenia has been talkin bout sec sch.. really.. it brings great memories to me.. there are so many things i miss bout my sch, my class and my friends! and that day me vera and jas was just talking bout johnson's umbrella dance to the school band's tune.. super funny man! he never fails to crack the class up!

10 things i miss:
1) johnson's umbrella dance
2) gossiping with my la meix
3) talking in class with grace and not listening to the teachers!
4) footdrills? of cos the phase during sec 4..
5) mugging sessions after sch till late..
6) discussing bout literature with the girls
7) preparing for prom which never happened..
8) my class's weird behaviour.. quiet and noisy..
9) the need for pe.. we're so despo for pe that even when our teacher din come, we ask the relief teacher for pe..
10) chatting with the guys sitting behind me!

its cool that we kinda gelled together in sec 4.. brings back fond memories! but my damn com doesn't allow me to upload those cool pictures.. nvm.. shall do them some other day!

going jogging tmr morning.. i must lose the weight! determination anyone?

question: who will choose to like one idiot like this?

ans: me.. -.-

heya!

i'm like finally bloggin.. loads of things happened during this period.. alot of things are always happening when something is left stagnant.. but even though my blog is dead, my tag dun have to be dead right? haven't been in the mood to blog and haven't been in the mood to even switch on my com. its been dead. apparantly my disk drive was left with only 1gb and the whole thing sort of crashed. lucky i saved my files in an external hard disk and all my pic ain't gone! thats the last thing i want to be wiped out from my com. now i have to install my programmes into the com slowly. my itunes, photoshop, whatever and etc.. who has photoshop to lend me!

been chionging my hw like crazy for the past week. ive never seen myself so 'hardworking' last year. maybe its because im already in jc2 and it spells a difference between jc1s.. i really miss slacking during first 3 months.. or even during sec school when even if u dun listen in class you still have a chance to catch up. its all different now. i guess i either have to stay within the pack or end up being at the rear.

chinese new year is like just next week! i'm totally looking forward to it! i want my holidays.. havent bought my new year clothes yet. totally zonked out by school and weekends i have to go shopping. been out with vera to shop and we both realised that we're not shopping for leisure but for the need of it. traditions will still remain as traditions.. its not fun shopping for the necessity.. i tend to buy more stuff when i'm shopping leisurely.. it should be the case! but new year clothes make me fret over money. i'm like over budget already! i wanna buy a denim jacket but i can't seem to find nice ones at a 'not so ex' price. P.O.A's is like $40 over! damn ex.. im a poor person. i still lack money for some people's bday presents.. and that feb14 load is always on my mind! what the heck man..

my dear stef is sick at home. hope she sees this. even if you're sick you still can use the com right? really miss her in school. during chem prac, i was busy copying stuff and i'm like thinking how would it be like if stef was here.. i'm crazy, really.. but i've come to realise how loner i am without her. i didn't know that stef told laytheng that if either one of us is absent, we will feel damn lonely.. its so damn true. so come back quick k? miss you!

tomorrow 'memoirs of a geisha' is screening and i'm catching it on friday! woohoo! ditto don and kerwin's comments bout it being a dumb show.. but im looking forward to it! i already know the ending and i like the ending. its abit expected but who cares! friday!!!!

i really don't feel like doing my hw already but i have a test tomorrow and it suxs! its only a quiz so i'll just take a glance at my notes! =)

i love this line from 'my date with a vampire 3'..

even if memories may cease to exist, love will still stay

how true it is.. even if my memories of however fabulous experiences i have cease to exist, i'll still remember the feeling of everything that has happened.. sometimes i look around me, trying to find back the great old times.. relentlessly searching for the same old feeling. but i can't. maybe its a sign. maybe its telling me to let go of the past and search for new memories. create new feelings and experience it all again.

i talked to vera yesterday about certain stuff.. it has certainly stirred some emotions in me. what she is experiencing now transports me back to the very day rejection took place. she said she likes to harbour on bad memories. indeed bad memories are hard to forget. they cling on to you and won't leave. i won't say that i have totally forgotten about what happened months ago. they still remain in my mind. though muffled but still clear. but now, i rather let the happy memories make me happy than the sad ones.

i feel like i can sense a change in me. after last week, i feel like a totally new person. i start to see new perspectives. the old me has never been so considerate to people before. funnily, i can't smile out of a sudden. the constant rain probably reminded me of myself. the glumness, the dark clouds, the flooding streets. i feel an urge to just go and make myself drenched by rain. maybe that can wash away some remnants of depression in me..

"""







my dearest jas!
















vera with jas. they look great in this pic =)
















my bestest girlfriends! wee!








i love my girls.. <3
they make my grey skies blue,
they make my sour face brim with the world's greatest smile.
they make my broken heart mend.
they make me laugh at the lamest jokes even though its not funny.
they make me who i am.

i'll never let go of what's dearest to me..

trying to do some research for my GP essay. kinda crap. and i'm here typing away in this entry and doing others things rather than doing my research. school kinda suxs. the downside of school is that it makes you accustomed to waking up so early that i woke up at 7 plus am yesterday and today. bleh! my record time is 2pm in the afternoon. its quite low compared to others. but i really miss the hols! im waiting for the hari raya hol next tues! wahahaha..

this weekend has not been kind to me. i finally understood why while it can bring you happiness it can make you slip into depression unknowingly. ours is like a sinking boat with a hole in it. now its been repaired and more or less stable. but the fear of it sinking still lingers. the one feeling guilty and all that is me. because i was the one who drilled a hole into this boat. yet i'm not confident that by repairing the boat the boat won't sink. i still haven't totally returned to the state before all happened. i need time to get accustomed to everything. no i haven't lost him. i only lost myself along the way. that hands has all along been there, RIGHT THERE. but i just took a wrong turn along the road and have to reach there in a longer time. its all my fault. forgive the one ever tried to let go of your hands.

recently i've been quite fascinated by eye makeup.. i love those bold colours, especially with shimmers.. totally eye catching! bought an 'eye glam powder' frm missha and i think its quite niccee! i wanted to buy green but my girlfriends said it doesn't suit me.. perhaps i have this urge to break free of the sweety look and be wild for once.. choosing colours that are not mainstream.. i don't know.. i have alot of pink stuff.. sometimes i don't mean to buy pink stuff but they just look nice to me.. like i have pink eye glam powder, pink wallet (i didn't want pink in the first place.. i wanted blue), pink earrings, pink chem file, pink hairbands, pink tees, and thats all i guess.. its just coincidentally.. perhaps vera thought i had lots of pink stuff and then she decided to give me a purple clay hand made necklace! i love it! though i haven't got a chance to wear it.. i'm dont' wanna wear.. i'm afraid i'll break it.. bleh.. will it break? vera?

recently i've been trying to create some new pictures using adobe.. just trying to let my 'creative' juices flow only.. i feel that i've failed terribly at my attempts but nevertheless failed attempts are still better than no attempts.. =) i guess i'll only keep them for special people in my life.. won't post it up.. since the last few ones looked like crap..

im gonna get my yearbook soon! mjc's one! i haven't got my bowen 2004 one and i want that! i never gotten yearbooks frm bowen.. it suxs.. we pay the money and we dont get what we're supposed to get.. actually i don't care about the other years.. i just want my graduating year's yearbook.. and this yr mjc's one is like none other yearbook.. it looks so, sophisicated and professional.. its nice lah.. mj is quite different.. like we always wanna look good.. even the yearbook's good.. hmmm.. impressions..

gonna shop for my new year clothes tmr with liyi! somehow shopping makes me feel lethargic and i'm a girl! i've already eyed some shoes frm far east! just hope its within my budget! im gonna use some of the new yr fund to buy birthday presents.. okay i'm seriously broke lah.. -.- i don't save money so i'm seriously lack of money.. now i'm like left with $2? bought my mum's birthday present.. hope she likes it.. and please pray i get some stuff back tomorrow! i wun wanna make a wasted trip..

i won't give a damn..

for jas & vera!

my timetable is like this.. the time specified is the time i end school!

mon:415pm
tues:415pm
wed:145pm (if got no cca la.. which is impossible)
thurs:325pm
fri:145pm=)

so lets see if our schedules clash den we can go mug tgt!

the two girls have been flooding my tagboard and in turn i flood theirs too! only thing is that they are much more expert in flooding that i don't really flood their tagboards that much..

i'm reading my "memoirs of a geisha" at a slow pace so much so that i can't stand the pace i'm reading at! i keep asking stef what happens next but she doesn't wanna tell me.. great friend right stef? but i love the way the author describes a certain scene which stef knows what i'm talking about..

(taken from 'memoirs of a geisha')
'here's the thing: this eel spends its entire life trying to find a home, and what do you think women have inside them? caves, where the eels like to live. this cave is where the blood comes from every month when the "clouds pass over the moon", as we sometimes say.'

'you may not know this about eels,' Mameha went on, 'but they're quite territorial. when they find a cave they like, they wriggle around inside it for a while to be sure that... well, to be sure it's a nice cave, i suppose. and when they've made up their minds that it's comfortable, they mark the cave as their territory... by spitting. do you understand?'

'men actually like doing this. in fact, they like it very much. there are even men who do little in their lives besides search for different caves to let their eels live in. a woman's cave is particularly spcial to a men if no other eel has ever been in it before. do you understand? we call this "mizuage" '

"""
not that i'm dirty minded or what la.. but sometimes authors write about it in such an artistic manner, very literature! like sidney sheldon. he writes it as 'sailing through the stars' and its totally beautiful.. i don't know bout it but i feel in awe of such authors when they can write about something quite taboo in a beautiful way..

i pity geishas.. they're like entertainers to men and they have to like beg for men's adoration and stuff like that.. they actually say that to men.. it seems like they are the lower class of the social ladder.. bowing lowly to men.. if it was that kind of century now, i'm sure all women will kick the asses of men if they ever have to do that! its equality among sexes!

but someone once told me that men and women can never be on the same standing.. first things first.. we are different from men.. our physical appearance is already different.. so how can we ever be equal? tats quite contraversial though.. but even till today, a wife is still expected to serve her husband.

regardless of whatever men and women are, they're like destined to love each other.. men complement women and women complement men..

can't wait for jan19 to come cos den i can indulge in geishas all over!

first day of school and i'm chionging hw alredy..

is this a good sign or a bad sign huh?

i wish i was still in the arms of my beloved OGLs, screaming vega cheers till i'm hoarse at the throat..
i wish i was out there playing ice breakers, getting to know my og mates better..
i wish i was still dancing couple dances during mass dances, instead of trying to listen to the lecturer and nuthing gets in..

you know, those cheers are really distracting! i want anything but to be in j2.. its such a bother..

well, blame no one but myself for not finishing GP and now i have to worry.. and my new GP tutor is quite rather strict.. i prefer david kwek..

and my new time table sucks.. when i thought it was good my friends one were best! some end at 12 plus and me? the earliest i can go home is 1345! on top of that its 50 mins per period.. talk about greatness.. BLEH!!!

now i can't talk on the phone till late at night...
now i can't sleep in late till the afternoon sun shines on me...
now i can't slack my day away like i used to do...
now i can't go out as and when i like without worrying whether my tutorials are done or not...

pardon me as i'm being whiney and irritating.. because this whole business is IRRITATING!

i don't know why i feel that way.. somehow i feel that i'm afraid..

the first day and the first post of 2006! guess what i've been doing today huh?

homework, homework and more homework! geesh.. i'm getting more of a nerd lately ya? i spent my new yrs eve counting down myself.. nobody's at home! my family has got more life than i do.. none of them returned until after 1230.. for my lil bro its like 1am.. cool.. he's counting down at the CC.. the CC (community club) for heaven's sake! there was some concert or what.. and his not so cool sis is at home watching teevee, eating chips *opps* and reading my 'geisha' book..

talking bout geisha.. i'm totally fascinated by their life man! i so wanna catch memoirs of a geisha when it screens on 19 jan! caught a lil preview of it at cine.. i'm like standing there like an idiot watching the preview.. i kinda think that its a bit weird figuring out what zhang ziyi is saying but she's like a good choice to act as the geisha, sayuri.. but with gong li acting as hatsumomo, its a bit funny.. certainly i can't imagine gong li when i'm reading "memoirs .." in hatsumomo's character..

to continue with my lifeless life, i ended up taking pics of myself in the mirror at 2am.. absolutely nuthing to do.. it turned out quite nice actually.. =) i was still in the day's outfit and i think it looks nice! ahha..

i like the first pic.. as for the last pic, i find it looks nicer when observing it from afar..

so much bout the hype bout the 2005 we had, i've decided to follow with the crowd and do some self evaluation! in my 2005:

1) went to mjc acting totally like a freshie
2) became better friends with liyi
3) met the crazy peeps from vega!
4) loved my crazy class 05s224 and had hilarious time of my life!
5) pon classes and zao school to watch movie
6) learnt how to play mahjong officially..
7) fell in love <3
8) got closer to all my friends and along the way known new friends who rock my world totally!
9) chasing idols for the first time until 3am! seen FIR face to face and got so CLOSE to real!
10) faring so badly in mid years because i slacked alot
11) got my first bikini and the second one frm siusing, kelly and em! who says fat people cant wear? as long as u have the "substance" can le..
12) learnt to play the guitar *finally*
13) failed my piano exam the second time
14) finding out that i still love guides alot!
15) i started putting make up..
16) have fetishes for shoes with ribbons..
17) spent most of my time procrastinating my homework and tutorials like how i am doing now.
18) wishing that the hols never ended..

not quite fascinating but still alright.. oh.. and i became more of a narcissist..