trying to do some research for my GP essay. kinda crap. and i'm here typing away in this entry and doing others things rather than doing my research. school kinda suxs. the downside of school is that it makes you accustomed to waking up so early that i woke up at 7 plus am yesterday and today. bleh! my record time is 2pm in the afternoon. its quite low compared to others. but i really miss the hols! im waiting for the hari raya hol next tues! wahahaha..

this weekend has not been kind to me. i finally understood why while it can bring you happiness it can make you slip into depression unknowingly. ours is like a sinking boat with a hole in it. now its been repaired and more or less stable. but the fear of it sinking still lingers. the one feeling guilty and all that is me. because i was the one who drilled a hole into this boat. yet i'm not confident that by repairing the boat the boat won't sink. i still haven't totally returned to the state before all happened. i need time to get accustomed to everything. no i haven't lost him. i only lost myself along the way. that hands has all along been there, RIGHT THERE. but i just took a wrong turn along the road and have to reach there in a longer time. its all my fault. forgive the one ever tried to let go of your hands.